Nasty, nasty

[lectrix_lecti]

Let's talk about porn. Why yes,skinfaxe, this is partly inspired by your recent entry.

More specifically, let's talk about saliva in porn.


I'll cheerfully admit that I haven't seen all that much porn, since visual erotica and pornography mostly bores me. However, in entirely too many of the naughty flicks and images I've seen there's a terrible tendency to spit on the female genitals, and that irritates me a very great deal.

Let's make this perfectly clear: a woman who is turned on, unless something's not entirely working regarding her natural functions, provides natural lubrication. There's no need for artificial lubricants, and there's absolutely no need to spit on her bits.

Personally I find the spitting disgusting, but if it floats the boats of the parties involved in the act, they may certainly indulge. I just can't for the life of me imagine why spitting seems to be a nearly mandatory part of pornography.

That is, I can very well imagine why. The ladies who get spat on are probably not particularly turned on by the stubby Moustache Monster or the claw-nailed fake lezzie getting up close and personal with them. They're probably downright desert-like in that region during the session.

Now, the other day I had the great misfortune of reading one of the Norwegian wymmyn forums I really need to stay far, far away from (I think I was looking for a recipe...), and stumbled upon a thread where one gal explained that the saliva thing is necessary when having sex with a circumcised bloke.

My reaction was, in internet terms, O_o and D: with a side of WUT.

According to this woman, a circumcised penis needs more lubrication than what a normal woman provides, and all American men scoff at using artificial lubricant because it's for gay men (let's O_o and WUT a bit more here). She had had sex with at least 100* American men, all cut, and they all spat on her before penetration. That's totally how they do it, like.

Seriously.

Circumcised penii can get in without saliva? You know, saliva that actually dries out the surroundings after a little while? In surroundings that are already properly slidy provided you're not doing it wrong? Not on my planet, no.

And yes, I have some experience with male circumcision in action.

My theory is that if the horrid woman on that forum is right, the spitting on desert-like turned-off girly bits in porn may have done something to the mind of young, impressionable boys and girls, to the point where they think hawking up a gob is a natural part of sex. I'd like to get it proved that the bint is wrong, though.

I'd also like a general spit ban in porn. Sadly that probably won't happen. But just imagine, pornography where the ladies are actually turned on - oh how nice that would be.


Tune in next week for While we're at it, ban the enormously long and sharp and generally ow ow ow fake nails in porn.


*another internet term

Comments

[1975sherpa.livejournal.com]

Are you trying to make me nauseous?
I have to tell you... it's not working (I can stand anything except broken bones).


No I meant women squirting 'juices' from their lady bits. It's disgusting!

[lectrix-lecti.livejournal.com]

I got what you meant, I was just sharing ews. I don't mind squirting, but spit strands? EWWWWW

Now ask yourself: since most porn ladies are NOT turned on in any way, exactly what are they squirting? Tee hee.

[1975sherpa.livejournal.com]

Oh yuk!
I don't even want to think about that.

And yeah spit strands, gross. EWWW
Especially cos when they would be coloured, it would be phlegm. And take it from me: phlegm is disgusting, especially in a jar... I see it every day at work!

[lectrix-lecti.livejournal.com]

...

Well. Of course the nurse out-grossed me. Also, if I recall correctly, Moon and I and a couple more people had this exact conversation elsewhere a few years ago, ending in "ohgod phlegm trumps all other gross things" kinda posts.

[1975sherpa.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha!

And yeah it probably is the most gross thing in the universe.

We all should meet up some day and have weird conversations etc. Now thát could be fun. And gross.

[lectrix-lecti.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to think that we all should watch porn together. With popcorn, alcohol and snide remarks.

[1975sherpa.livejournal.com]

Yeah, fun!

Much alcohol please!

[skinfaxe.livejournal.com]

you two have SO out-grossed me and i actually have lunch reading this and EWWWWWWWW

srsly, phlegm?! i double my eww

[lectrix-lecti.livejournal.com]

This strengthens my wish to gather you all to drink and watch disgusting spit-squirting porn.

[tragicsupergirl.livejournal.com]

I'm in for this plan!

[1975sherpa.livejournal.com]

Ahaha don't ever eat lunch while reading things I've said. I manage to gross out most people while they're eating, except for doctors and nurses as they're used to doing this to each other...

Well yeah, phlegm... it's disgusting.